


And They Were Roommates

by zoyaqueenofravka (shadowylighting)



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Ace Kuwei Yul-Bo, Angst, Ballet AU, F/F, Fluff, For GVBB, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, also minor ace Kaz but he’s only really mentioned, band au, deadlines suck, idk man go with it, kuwei plays the saxophone because I said so, minor Alina Starkov/The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, minor Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, minor Zoya Nazyalensky/The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, theres a Lot Of Gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21791617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowylighting/pseuds/zoyaqueenofravka
Summary: Nikolai and Zoya are roommates, until they’re not. Looks like they’re going to have find new ones, huh?
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Kuwei Yul-Bo, Zoya Nazyalensky/Alina Starkov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2019





	1. Nikolai

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the GVBB 2019

Nikolai couldn’t believe she was leaving tomorrow. He should feel happy for her, he knew, she’d gotten her dream job, but it was so far away, in _Os Alta,_ when he would be staying here, in Ketterdam, far _far_ away from his parents’ sphere of influence. He wouldn’t be able to visit either, even by being Sturmhond, not with the risk of being recognized. It was all right though, she could visit him instead. 

He realized he’d been out of it when Zoya suddenly called out. 

“Hey Lantsov, come help with the table!”

“What do you mean the table? We agreed I got to keep it, remember?”

He could hear her sigh as he came over. 

“ _No_ , we said I got to take the table and you got to keep the _chairs_.”

“It was definitely the other way round.”

She looked at him, eyebrow raised. He decided to apologize and also admit that he may have been wrong. 

_______

He was laying in bed, when he realized with a jolt that he was going to miss this. Miss _her._ It was strange to think they’d hated each other in the beginning. He’d been a rich, arrogant fool, her an up and coming geologist, as well as a raging feminist. She’d seen him, and hated him instantly. It was only fair that he’d hated her back. 

She’d changed him, during the 4 years rooming together. For the better. Where before he’d been entitled and so sheltered from the realities of life, she’d given him a key, shown him it wasn’t _fair_ that he’d gotten to live like he had, not when there were people out there, homeless and starving. So different from his lavish lifestyle. 

So he’d decided he was going to be _better_ , better than his father, his brother, he was going to _be kind._

_______

“Hey, Zoya? Zoya?”

His voice echoed around the seemingly empty apartment. Where was she? She should be in here, she was supposed to be leaving soon. The car was already here.

“Zoya?”

He walked around the apartment, partly in search for her, partly to reminisce about their time here. That was where they had their first argument, within an _hour_ of moving in, on the benefits of tax. And that was where he’d comforted her from her first heartbreak, the sofa where they’d watched countless trashy movies together. The table they’d bought together, something they’d done when they realized the apartment didn’t come with one (it had been a bit of a struggle assembling that) had been packed up, already sent to her new home (it was strange to think this wouldn’t be home for her anymore). The mantelpiece was covered in pictures of them and their friends. There were several with Genya and David, Tolya and Tamar featuring as well, the rest were sent with her.

He looked at all this, in what was _technically_ his apartment (it was hers really), and felt, what was this called? Ah yes, sadness. Because after today it would just be his. She was leaving, he wasn’t, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

“Nazyalensky?”

“In here!”

Ah there she was, her usual impeccable self (Well not really around him, there wasn’t much you could do once you saw someone have a complete mental breakdown over finals), packing the last of her essentials into her suitcase.

“Hey Lantsov, can you put those in there and that over there…”

She was a whirlwind of movement, readying herself to “fly the nest”. He felt a pang. It was odd, this feeling of sadness. He should be happy for her. 

The doorbell rang. The taxi was here.

“I guess this is huh? Nazyalensky, I’m…. I’m going to miss you.” 

He felt his eyes moisten, unbidden. To cover it he hugged her, as tightly as he could.

“I’m going to miss you too, idiot.” 

Her voice sounding choked, broke on idiot. 

They stayed hugging for a moment longer, when the doorbell rang again. They pulled apart, tearful. 

________

She waved as she drove away and he stayed on the sidewalk, waving back, for a long while after.

________

He got drunk. 

He couldn’t help it. She was gone, and now that he was all alone, there wasn’t much else to do. She would’ve, of course, had she been here, told him to get a grip. 

Unfortunately, or fortunately really, she was not.

________

“Did it hurt?”

Nikolai turned, confused. 

“What?”

“When you fell from heaven.”

The man smirked, and eyed him. He frowned. He was _not_ despite what his reputation said, just going to fuck a man he just met. All he’s planned was to get drunk, don’t embarrass himself too much, and forget about her. 

But then again, sex seemed like the perfect way to forget. He shifted his face, now grinning, and ordered them both a drink. 

________

“I-I just miss her so much!” Plan ruined, Nikolai sobbed into the man’s, called Jesper apparently, shoulder.

“She was so smart and beautiful and smart and.. did I say smart twice? That’s because she’s twice as smart as everyone else.”

He looked a very sorry sight. Crying into a random, if handsome, man’s shoulder, one who had probably wanted to have sex with him, instead of comforting him, he was clearly not at his best. 

“Did you know she only moved today?” He scoffed, suddenly irritated. “With the way I’m acting you’d think she’d died, not moved.” 

Spurred on by Jesper’s encouragement, he continued the vitriol against himself, and maybe a little, just a little, against her too. 

“It’s pathetic isn’t it? Wishing she hadn’t left, when I should be _happy_ for her, getting her dream job and all that. It’s just so _unfair_ . Genya and David are both going with her, and I’m pretty much all alone here, with Tamar and Tolya off on their soul searching Saint hunt. I don’t trust anyone else, it’s hard to when everyone usually wants you for your surname you know? But I can’t just _leave_ , find somewhere people don’t know who I am, in case she comes back here, not that that’s likely anyway, seeing as she just _left._ But- I hate it. I hate her for leaving and I hate me for missing her _already,_ and for being too weak to cope without her and I _know_ it’s unhealthy this dependency, but it’s hard when I’ve been relying on her for so long and now she’s gone and I just-“

Jesper seemed to hesitate. Nikolai looked at him, curious. He didn’t seem like the type to hesitate. 

“Oh go on, say it.”

“Say what?”

“What you look like you really want to. Come on, it’s all right, I can take it.”

Again he seemed to hesitate, though to be honest Nikolai didn’t know him well enough to gage his reaction that well. Not like he knew anyone that well huh? Seeing as everyone just _left him._

“Well it’s just… you’re drunk.”

“And that’s relevant because…? You’re drunk as well you know.”

“Yeah I am, but I’m not the one crying about her one moment and then insulting yourself and your friends the next. What I’m saying is that maybe you’re not thinking clearly, you’re drunk, that’s what happens when you’re drunk. So maybe she didn’t _want_ to leave you, and neither did your friends, they just felt like they _had to_ , you know?”

“Yeah. _Maybe._ ”

He gave him a pointed glance. Jesper just sighed, even though, _for once,_ he was actually giving good advice. 

“All right, if you’re so determined, why don’t we talk about something else?”

“What like you cheesy-ass pick up line?” 

________

He woke up in someone’s, he couldn’t remember _how_ he’d gotten here, let alone whose bed this was, bed. Fortunately for him the mystery was cleared up rather quickly.

“Hey Sleeping Beauty, I see you’re up.” 

There in the doorway stood Jesper, looking, well, like a _snack._ Maybe he’d made a mistake not doing him last night. He’d clearly made a mistake drinking that much though, and the killer hangover agreed. 

“Yeah, yeah. D’you have some aspirin?” he asked, voice slurred with sleep. 

“Sure, darling. Just a head’s up though, my friends are here, and they seemed to think we actually did something, even though you were A) passed out when you got here, and B) I wouldn’t have done anything anyway because of the fact that you were clearly trying to get over someone. Basically they want to, well only some of them, interrogate you.”

With that, slightly ominous, and definitely threatening, statement he left the room, pausing to tell him that he’d be back with the aspirin in a moment.

While he was gone took the opportunity to look around. The room was plain, and there seemed to be no personal embellishments he could see. _Probably a guest room then,_ he thought, _but then again where else would I be? Not like we actually did anything._

His stomach rumbled. Suitably distracted, he pondered the merits of going down to get breakfast. On one hand there was food, but on the other he might get murdered by Jesper’s friends. He’d rather survive, but he wasn’t sure if it would be worse if he went down alone or with Jesper. He decided to go down alone, Jesper could meet him there with the aspirin. 

________

So perhaps he’d made a mistake. 

Jesper’s friends, which he now recognized as that band, the Crows he thought they were called, who were supposedly musical prodigies, as well as criminals (though that part wasn’t proven), surrounded him, circling like sharks. 

He wasn’t quite sure what he’d done wrong, due to the fact that _he hadn’t done anything_. Though he wasn’t sure they knew that, with the way they were acting. 

They were all doing various threatening things, such as sharpening knives and handling explosives, clearly intended to intimidate him. It was succeeding. (He wasn’t very proud of that. Some of them were literal teenagers for gods’ sakes, _nineteen_.)

The man, more of a boy really, broke the silence. 

“I’m Wylan.” He didn’t look very threatening, with a sweet baby face, although the explosives he was holding belied that appearance. “Now, Jesper seems fond of you so I won’t interfere, but if you hurt him I’ll make sure no one _ever_ finds you again. Is that clear?” 

Ah so they were moving from “subtle” to outright declaring their threats. Saints he hoped they wouldn’t _actually_ murder him (though they seemed fully capable of doing so), it would be too much effort to die, what with his father probably waiting for him in the afterlife. 

“Crystal.” He hopes his voice wasn’t shaking, that would just be _embarrassing._

Another man stepped forward. 

“I’m not quite sure you understand, _Lantsov_ . While Wylan here could blow you to smithereens and never get caught, _I_ can destroy you without raising a finger.” 

“I said I understood!” He was whining now, which probably did not bode well for his physical safety. 

He flinched. There was a knife at his neck. He really should have known better. Murphy’s law always applied to him. It was the lithe brown girl who had been sharpening knives when he walked in, why oh why did this have to happen to him?

________

It turned out that they weren’t very scary at all. In fact, they really were quite young, despite already being world-renowned musicians, and they acted like it. Though they were technically adults, they acted more like teenagers (He would later learn that it was due to the fact that they weren’t really allowed to be teenagers, and were making up for it now, even Kaz), Kuwei especially.

He thought Kuwei was cute. 

Originally he’d been gunning for Jesper, what with him already taking care of him, and he’d also thought Jesper was on the same wavelength as him. However, while Nikolai could be obtuse at times, he wasn’t a fool. He’d only spent a week with them, when he’d realized that Wylan and Jesper clearly had something going on (They really were very obvious). 

So he thought Kuwei would do (he was really really cute when he blushed). 

________

________

The apartment, which had felt so empty after Zoya had departed, was once again full of life. He loved it. He loved the routine of it too. He woke up, kissed him awake, made breakfast most mornings, kissed him goodbye, went to work at the mechanics shop, came home, kissed him hello. Sometimes Kuwei came home later, or he was performing, but that didn’t change anything much, he still got to kiss him. He loved kissing him. He loved Kuwei. 

To put it simply, it was marvellous. 

It was one such day, just as he’d gotten home, when the doorbell rang. Both turned to open the door, when the lock clicked and the door opened by itself. Well, not exactly by itself, as behind it stood someone he hadn’t thought of in well over a year. 

Zoya, flushed from the cold, entered the house. 

“Hi Lantsov.”

He was pretty sure his jaw had hit the floor. He could feel his boyfriend’s questioning glance on his back as well. 

“Lantsov? Nikolai? Aren’t you going to respond?”

She was looking at him expectantly, as if _he_ was the one being impolite, as if she hadn’t just waltzed in again, after a whole fucking year. As if she’d missed him, when she clearly hadn’t, not a single text or phone call answered, let alone a personal visit. He snapped. 

“No. I’m not. Get out.” 

Maybe that was a little harsh. Still, she deserved it. What, she expected to just _come back_? They’d been best friends, shouldn’t that mean something more to her than a ghosting? He could see that she was hurt, yes, but so was he. It wasn’t fair that she’d just get to do that. 

“At least let me explain.”

His heart was always too soft. 

________


	2. Kuwei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Kuwei met Nikolai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!! It’s so weird that it’s 2020 now, like wtf why does time exist

There was another man in his practice room. He looked to be about 22 and an absolute marvel to see. Blond, broad and handsome, he probably would’ve dwarfed him if he’d been standing. Kuwei automatically assumed that this was the new manager. It was the logical conclusion, with the way Jesper had been describing him. 

“H-Hi I’m Kuwei.”

He stuck his hand out, internally cringing. People didn’t do handshakes, not at their age, he’d known that, but he’d forgotten in the heat of the moment. It was only because he was so damn pretty. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been so nervous. Pretty people were the worst.

He was pleasantly surprised when he took the offered hand, most people would’ve left him hanging. He felt a blush creeping over his face and attempted to suppress it. He failed. The man didn’t comment. He was grateful for that. It was hard enough functioning while looking at his face, if he’d laughed at him… It didn’t bear thinking about. 

“Hey Kuwei, I’m Nikolai. It’s nice to meet you, what do you play?”

“Alto sax! How about you?”

Their small talk was stilted, but he was smiling, if tentatively. He liked it. Nikolai’s treatment of him was different from how the Crows treated him. Like he was a nuisance, an addition the didn’t really need. He knew they didn’t mean it of course, but he was the newest, he didn’t have the deep bonds and romantic tension they shared, no matter how much he wanted to. He was sure Nikolai would be different though. 

_________

Having Nikolai as their manager was a new experience. 

It wasn’t a bad experience, just… different. For one, he interacted with the band more, spending long hours hanging out, for  _ fun _ , unlike Haskell, who only ever cared about the next paycheck. 

He was a breath of fresh air in the chaos of the romantic dramas that was the rest of the band’s lives. He had always been quite content to not be a part of it, even though he had gotten a little lonely at times. With Nikolai here though, he could spend time with  _ him _ , away from them, and enjoy himself. 

But, he knew, there was a small problem. He may have started to be involved in a romantic drama of his own. He liked Nikolai as a friend, yes. But he  _ liked  _ him as well. It irked him, this feeling. Of course he’d liked people before (though it was never more than a passing crush, and he knew this was stronger), but like always, he didn’t feel the burning desire that so many seemed to have. He didn’t want to have sex, make out or whatever else people when they felt the urge to. He wanted his hands held, cuddles and tender kisses. But he wasn’t sure if Nikolai would understand. He seemed like someone who needed sex, thrived on it. So, the feeling irked him. 

He practiced the sax all the more to try to get rid of this feeling, wishing it away with every exhale and subsequent tune. It wouldn’t do to get hurt. Not over a boy. 

___________

He decided to talk it over with Inej when he realized that the feelings weren’t just going to conveniently disappear. He sought her out after practice, determined to get someone else’s opinion. She was the member he was closest to, even if they weren’t really friends, and she was dating Kaz, so she must have some inkling about his (she knew about his asexuality too), so it was the logical choice. 

(He’d come out to the band 3 months in, a nervous wreck, terrified of being kicked out. They’d accepted him readily, Kaz even telling him that he was too. It was the most relieved he’d ever felt in his life.)

“Hey Inej! Wait up!”

The bassist paused, letting him catch up to her, before she replied. 

“Hey Kuwei,” her voice softened, as it always did around him, “ what’s up?”

“I kinda need your advice on something?”

Her eyes gained a knowing glint. 

“It is about Nikolai?”

“What?” His voice sounded panicked, even to his own ears. “How did you know?”

“I have eyes.” She said, like his crush was  _ that obvious _ (it was). 

She kept walking, while Kuwei stood there, spluttering indignantly. When she’d gone far enough, he snapped out of it and hurried to catch up. He still needed her advice. 

_________

She’d told him she had a plan that would be enacted in band bonding night, and left it at that, leaving him terrified at the prospect of what she was going to do. While Inej was not, thankfully, a Nina, she could still be extremely devious when she wanted to be (she had been crowned the Pranking Queen for a reason), and she certainly wanted to for this. 

Meanwhile, he decided he’d be better off avoiding Nikolai for a while, just in case Inej’s “plan” went wrong and he started hating him. He quickly realized how difficult it was, when he had to see him almost everyday during rehearsals, but he managed. Besides, it was easier just to avoid him. This way he wouldn’t just blurt it out unplanned either.

_________

It all came to a head in the next week. 

Although the Crows were adults, it could be hard to believe sometimes. They’d introduced band bonding night when he’d first joined, surprisingly not Inej’s idea, but Jesper’s. It had been a nice way to get to know them, and to calm the nerves of performance. They’d continued it, as a way to relax and just hang out, especially when they were touring.

Tonight’s activity was 7 minutes in heaven with the game modified for him and Kaz. Still, it didn’t really make sense, not when they were all paired off, even if it wasn’t official. Kaz with Inej, Nina and Matthias, Jesper with Wylan (and, he supposed, him with Nikolai). 

But Inej has rationalized that if he went into the wardrobe with Nikolai, they’d get the opportunity to discuss it. He thought it was kind of stupid, since he could just talk to Nikolai whenever he wanted, even if he was avoiding him. He privately thought that this was more for the benefit of Wesper (as the rest of them had taken to calling it). They were much more a part of the group after all. Still, looking a gift horse in the mouth wasn’t something he should really be doing, so he accepted the plan and hoped it would work. 

_________

The bottle spun, and landed on him. He sighed. It has been an hour now, most of them were smashed, and he’d managed to avoid being picked by anybody else. Unfortunately, or fortunately really, seeing as this has been the plan, Nikolai’s spin had landed on him. 

He got up reluctantly to enter the wardrobe, following Nikolai. He didn’t think this plan would work, but he had to try, if only to avoid Inej’s ire. He saw a few of them protest out of the corner of his eye, presumably because they’d seen how Inej had nudged the bottle to him, but Inej shushed them. 

The door shut and locked behind them. They were now alone. 

________

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

It was neither a question nor an accusation. Simply a statement, it demanded no answer, but he could still feel the imagined pressure. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous really. It was just Nikolai ( _ just.  _ Funny) 

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

This time it was a question, voice plainative. 

“It’s a stupid reason.”

“No it’s not, you can tell me. I promise I won’t laugh.”

“Okay. Okay.” He could feel his pulse rushing, as he struggled to say it, then: “Ihaveacrushonyou” 

“What?”

“I have a crush on you. Wow that was awkward. Okay bye!” 

He made to leave, then remembered he was stuck in here for another 5 minutes. So that was why Inej had chosen this. So he couldn’t escape and run away from his problem. 

He turned back round and faced him. Nikolai had a thoughtful look on his face, like he was contemplating something, then:

“I have a crush on you too.”

Kuwei gaped. He knew he was gaping, but…. Nikolai, having a crush on  _ him _ ? Bullshit. He said as much, glaring at him. He didn’t appreciate mockery, especially not from a friend, someone he trusted. 

But Nikolai just kept looking at him, earnest and so sweet. He melted. 

When he moved in for a kiss though, he held a hand up. He still hadn’t told him about his asexuality, and he wasn’t moving forward without doing it. Not for Nikolai, but for himself. He deserved someone who understood. 

He put his hand down and began to explain. 

“Nikolai, I’m ace.” He felt strangely good about this, like he didn’t have to hide a part of himself anymore. “Are you with me so far?”

When he shrugged and shook his head, he explained further:

“It means I don’t experience sexual attraction. So like, I’m okay with kisses and cuddles and stuff right? But sex? That’s a pass from me. I could do it, I just don’t see the appeal, so I don’t want to try.”

His face cleared, and he nodded satisfied that he wouldn’t have to explain more. Besides, if he really wanted to know more, google existed. 

He broke out of his reverie when Nikolai suddenly took his hand. 

“So could I do this?” 

He pressed a kiss to the knuckles. Kuwei felt himself flush. It was embarrassing. After a slight pause, in which he attempted to compose himself, he replied:

“Yes!” His voice was still squeaky. 

_________

When they came out of the wardrobe, they sat together, and cuddled. It was nice. Nikolai didn’t question him, ask if he was sure, prod him, unaccepting that he would want to have  _ sex _ , something clearly holy and what everyone wanted to do. Nothing beyond an establishment of his boundaries, how much he wanted to do. 

Everyone else cooed at them when they got out, except Kaz, who simply looked at him, then ruffled his hair in congratulations. 

More drunken shenanigans ensued and they were quickly forgotten about in favour of more interesting things.

_______

They went on a few dates after that. A few turned to many, and he thought he was falling in love. It wasn’t even hard, not when he was half way there already, not when he felt butterflies every time he smiled, not when he cared so so much about him. 

They moved in together after 4 months.

________

So when this woman walked into the apartment, it was with apprehension and readiness to call the rest of the Crows at any moment, but not with worry or jealousy over their relationship status. 

He still wouldn’t hesitate to call for backup though. 

________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Kuwei so much?? Like what an absolute legend


	3. Zoya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has Zoya been doing?

Zoya surveyed the room then nodded, satisfied. Of course, she still had a few boxes lying around, but that was all right. She had time to that later. Speaking of time, the ballet troupe meeting was in a few hours. She hoped (not prayed, never prayed) that they would be tolerable. At least she had Genya with her. Genya was, for all intents and purposes, her best friend. Nikolai, too, but Genya has been there first, sharing many experiences. Fortunately, that didn’t mean they were sharing an apartment. Genya was a nightmare to live with (she still remembered that summer when she’d managed to cover her apartment in flour and she’d had to help clean up, even though she’d had nothing to do with it). Still, she was glad. 

With the nostalgia running through her, she picked out a few photos for a little decoration. 

She set about getting ready then, hair, makeup, leotard and slippers in her bag, calling Genya to see if she was ready, getting in the car. She arrived, punctual as ever, and entered the studio. 

_________

“Hi, I’m Zoya Nazyalensky and I’m a dancer.”

She thought her deadpan voice perfectly encapsulated her feelings at the moment. They were going around introducing themselves like a bunch of preschoolers during circle time, which she personally thought was rather ridiculous, since they could all read, what with the name stickers they were being forced to wear. And besides, they really didn’t need to know any details of her personal life, but the rest seemed to be enjoying themselves, if only a little. 

“Zoya you can’t say you’re a dancer, we’re all dancers.” Her voice was annoyingly upbeat. “Sorry about her, I’m Genya, and I went to Ketterdam Uni!”

A giggle punctuated the end of the sentence, uncharacteristic of her. She was trying to catch someone’s attention then. Understandable since they  _ were  _ the new ones, and her ability to manipulate  _ was _ unparalleled, but sometimes her choice of targets were… interesting. She was currently flirting with the man next to her (he was slightly generic but attractive enough, musician’s fingers, but hands were unusually callused, taller than average, grease stains on the shirt, was that a screwdriver in his pocket? Probably worked as a mechanic she concluded. God she was bored.), the name tag read David Kostyk, though he seemed oblivious to her affections, studiously continuing to listen to everyone else’s introductions (one of the other new ones, then. A pity, he wouldn’t even be able to help them integrate into the ladder, however low he was). She sighed. Genya always chose the uninterested, useless men, and she was sure she’d have to console her later.

“Hello, I trust you are settling in?”

The voice came from her right, into her ear. Her head snapped that way, and she sat next to her, and was  _ whispering in her ear.  _ She thought she felt her heart trying to escape out of her chest. 

Aleksander Morozov was, to all those present in the room, regardless of status, an icon, a legend. He was said to be the best ballet dancer of the generation, most famous for his role as the Darkling in the production of The Sun Summoner. Zoya had studied him, attempting to copy his techniques, trying to perfect her skills so that she could join his company. She’d been desperate to prove herself, to be apart of something that he was apart of (he would’ve undoubtedly been listed as her “celebrity crush” if she ever admitted to such a thing). And now he was talking to her. 

She looked at him, then, the situation sinking in, unsure how to respond. Finally she settled. 

“We’re doing fine sir. We were just introducing ourselves.”

He chuckled. It was a melodious sound. “There’s no need to call me sir, we’re both in the same troupe are we not? We’re like a family here, no need for such formalities.”

“But sir-”

“Now what did I just say?”

She glared at him, slightly askance, partly for interrupting her, even as she felt a seldom seen blush creep up her face (she couldn’t help it. He wasn’t like the other boys and girls back home, no, he was suave and charming and someone she’d admired for years. It was rather unbecoming of her, she could admit, but it wasn’t like anyone knew.))

“What should I call you then,  _ sir? _ ”

“Aleksander.”

Simple, to the point, and far too familiar. She barely knew him, beside him being her inspiration, and it was too strange, being on a first name basis with him. Her thoughts must have shown, since he smiled at her, in what would have been a condescending manner, had he been anyone else. It was charming on him, and she felt the blush intensify. To keep the awkwardness at bay, she chose to reciprocate the sentiment, even if it was slightly less meaningful from her. 

“I’m Zoya then. Nazyalenskaya.”

_________

As she returned home, she felt flushed, as if from a victory.

It was incredible that he’d sat next to her, let alone spoken to her, she could scarcely believe it, now that she was outside of his presence. 

She’d enjoyed the rest of her night, more immersed in the group, trying to impress him in a roundabout way, after they’d moved on to a slight flexing competition, trying to show their skills. It’d also been harder to talk to him alone, for soon after her introduction, the others had taken notice of him. It made her feel rather selfish to want to keep him to herself (not that she’d ever minded being selfish), so she’d kept busy, trying to ignore this attachment she’d already formed. 

She’d made a few acquaintances there in the process; Nadia, Marie and Sergei were a few of the more notable ones, though she knew they disliked her already. They’d acted friendly enough, but she had ears, and it really wasn’t hard to hear their bitching, not when they were all in the same studio ( _ “She just called him _ Aleksander _. Can you believe her nerve?” “Saints I know. How much disrespect can you have?” “And she’s already sucking up too. She’s so irrit-- Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!” _ ). 

David had also been interesting. She’d been partially right in her assumption that he was a mechanic, apparently he was some type of fabric engineer specializing in metal works (Or something. She wasn’t an expert in this kind of science, she’d majored in meteorology (and dance, and double minored in Shu and business. She was an overachiever, so what? It just meant she was better than a lot of people), not how to make a metal suit. She’d initiated conversation, mostly for Genya’s sake, and found that he wasn’t as bland as she thought he would have been (He  _ was  _ just as oblivious as he seemed though. She pitied her future self. She was going to have to deal with so much whining from Genya), and him and Genya actually seemed compatible, what with their impromptu nerd off about  _ bismuth _ , apparently ‘an element often used in cosmetics’. It had been cute. People tended to ignore and underestimate her best friend when it came to intellectual matters (they seemed to forget that she’d graduated  _ summa cum laude _ , and was already starting her PhD), so it was nice to see him take her so seriously. She looked forward to working with him at any rate. He could either be a friend, or at the very least an interesting challenge.

_________

She saw a lot of Aleksander after that. 

It was only to be expected, he was the head of this troupe, the  _ ballerino _ , but it seemed to be odd, deviating from a previous schedule, if the reactions of the older members were of any indication. 

(“ _ Mr. Morozov is here again? That’s weird.” “I know. And he keeps only pays attention to that Zoya girl.” “Do you think she’ll be the next prima then? Since Baghra…” “Saints I hope not. It’s probably inevitable though. Unless some  _ prodigy  _ comes along. And we all know how likely  _ that _ is.”) _

He was supposedly paying her special attention, even though she was new, ‘barely fit to be a sujet‘ according to a few, let alone rise through the ranks to be a prima. She didn’t let them bother her. She was good enough (she couldn’t really believe that. But fake it till you make it was a fantastic life motto). 

She knew, to an extent, that they really were focusing on her. A sort of  _ grooming _ , so she could take up that mantle of prima. She was certainly young and trained enough for it, and it only made sense. They couldn’t exactly give one of the chorus prima, they were trained differently. It was just a matter of logic and practicality. Even if most disagreed (perhaps herself included. She wanted to be selfish, craved his attention, wanted his focus). 

_________

One such training session, Aleksander kissed her. In her opinion it was very dangerous of him. It wasn’t in full view of the troupe, of course, but still. It wasn’t exactly unexpected, but it was… odd. Unprofessional. And, most shockingly of all, she wanted it. 

She hadn’t wanted in a while (Nikolai didn’t count. It wasn’t reciprocated anyway). Hadn’t wanted romance and the ensuing complications, not when it meant ruining perfectly serviceable friendships. But she didn’t have that to fear with him, not when they could always just return to a professional, work-place only acquaintances, it was less… risky 

Then she went and fell in love with him like the idiot she usually wasn’t, and that was that. 

(She was very good at lying, especially to herself)

_________

She knew it wasn’t healthy. 

She wasn’t stupid, no matter how much the speed in which she’d dived in contradicted that statement. But it was too late to back out, to say ‘oh sorry I’m not actually in love with you I’ll just be moving along now bye’, to climb out of this pit she’d dug. 

The power balance of it was tipped very steeply to him, giving him a level of control over her that she hated, partly because she  _ craved _ his attention, wanted to be worthy of his affections, and partly due to him manipulating her, with such skill you didn’t notice until it was too late. It was terrifying. She knew well enough the signs of emotional abuse (her mother, screaming, throwing. Her father, angry, also yelling. At each other, at her). But it was hard, so  _ so _ hard to see objectively. 

With his honey sweet words pouring down her ears, his gentle kisses, his faked love and special attention, her eyes were clouded over. And remained clouded over for several months, until a sujet got injured, and it all came crashing down. 

________

She wasn’t that shocked, really. Upset. Angry.  _ Devastated _ . Those were the words she would use. But not shocked. Nothing ever went well, not with her. 

But it was still slightly unexpected, when Aleksander announced a last minute addition to the troupe. 

**Author's Note:**

> please go check out the art on tumblr by @sometypeofbirthstone, @thehighlordzu and @kayascoldelorio


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